I ran out of words.
I went over to her house to talk to her,
to at least explain to her that I was sorry.
If she hadn't read the letter, I wanted to explain what it was about.
I saw her coming, she saw me, and she turned away.
"Zen, I know I'm leaving..... but you.... you have to take care you know?"
That's all that could come out of my mouth.
and I didn't even get to finish the sentence before she said "I know. Take Care. Love you. Bye."
then she slammed the door in my face...
but it was for the best. Even if she stopped to hear me,
I wouldn't know what to say. In the end, I'd have still turned away
and walked.
I wrote a note to her, and Bella too,
but I'm not going to give it to them, I won't since they feel this way.
Since they're so angry about me leaving or not meeting them like
I said I would. I watched them yesterday, and that's gonna be
the image in my head for the rest of my life - them waiting for me.
& I saw their disappointment. They kept checking the time.
I saw a glimpse of sadness.
I stayed there for the rest of the day.
You know what? I'm going to forgot all of this.
Since this is so damn screwed up, I shall just
leave this in God's hands and hope for the best.
I just hope one day I'll find the answer to my questions.
You know what? I love both of them,
too much that it's going to hurt to say goodbye.
Zen already told me that neither of them are
coming on Tuesday. & I understand, I wouldn't either if I was them.
but it's okay. It's better. It would hurt more if
I actually had to see her face again.
I saw that shimmer of tears when she saw me today.
She forced herself to look away.
but you know it hurts to have someone you love
just do that to you?
I guess that's what she would be saying right now about me.
I know she'll find someone that loves her more than I do.
Maybe she already has. She hasn't told me,
but it's okay. That guy's lucky, he ought to know that.
& he better take care of her unlike how I failed to.
all the pain I put her through.... God it's better that I'm leaving.
I know she'll be okay. I know all of them will.
cos even if it's tough saying goodbye, it's all for the best.
I would rather lose all contact with them then to fail them again.
I'm going to get some sleep now.
I'm leaving this place in 3 days and counting.
I need to get some rest and forget about all this.
Forget about her.
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Hey bud... Yeah sorry about visiting again.
ReplyDeleteThis is the last time, I had no other way of
contacting you, maybe I did but... I just didn't want to.
Papaya, you know you've changed right?
Where's that boy I met when I was P2?
Where's that boy I fell in love with just because he laughed so much, and made ME laugh
so much.
I miss him, but he's gone & he left with me
a broken heart and broken promises.
Where's the "I'll always be here" you promised? & I still remember you saying "Nothing will ever be big enough to come between us?"
Those were probably just words to you by they
meant the world to me. & to think I've been living on those words for a long time.
I miss that boy, you know, but he's never coming back. You leaving isn't prefable for me but if that's the way you want to live you life, I'll just hope for the best for you.
Just a note, I won't be waiting for you to come back. I know everything's going to be fine for you someday, but I'm tired of waiting for that boy I know. I won't be doing it any longer. Take care, I love you.